11/19/2023 0 Comments Ways to say i love youKessler’s go-to is similar: “I don’t know the right thing to say, but I’m here and I love you.”Īfter that, let the conversation chart its own course. Start with ‘I’m listening, and I love you’ or ‘I don’t know what to say, but I want to be here in any way I can.’” If you are unsure of what to say, says Sethi, “own the moment authentically instead of trying to make some trite or wrapped-up statement. Let your loved one know that your offer has no expiration date. Would any of that be helpful? If you don’t know now, here’s my number, and remember that you can text or call me.’” “Swoop in and say, ‘I'm available to get groceries on these days. “In moments or challenge, no one knows what they need,” points out Sethi. I could drop over dinner so it’s ready for you when you get home,’” says Kessler.Īnother helpful gesture: Let your loved one know that your offer has no expiration date. I’m struggling to keep up with the kids,’ hear that and say, ‘You know what? I could take the kids to soccer for you. As you listen to the answer, use your imagination to answer the question “What can I do for you?” This takes the onus off the bereaved person having to stage-manage your support. An open-ended “How are you feeling?” is always a safe bet. The key is to ask broad questions that don’t assume that their grief will mirror yours or anyone else’s. I’m going through it, so just ask me questions.’” “When people say, ‘I can’t imagine what you’re going through,’” says Kessler, “I always answer, ‘You don’t have to. Ask about their experience and offer tangible support Your job is to offer comfort,” says Grotts, not to magic away someone’s sadness. Or ‘At least now you can go get a job you like!’”Įtiquette expert Lisa Grotts advises against statements that try to turn a loss into a blessing, such as “It was their time to go” or “They’re in a better place” or “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.” These pat answers “lack support, compassion, and empathy. ![]() Another pointer: “Don’t begin sentences with ‘At least,’ which is minimizing and dismissive: ‘At least you don’t have to put up with your husband snoring anymore,’ if they’re divorcing. “There is a time to cheer people up, but it’s when they’re ready, not when they’re in pain,” he says. That’s what Kessler calls it when we insist on shoving a silver lining in a hurting person’s face. It’s a moment for us to show up a little bigger, too.” Don’t “bright side” the situation, either This is probably one of the biggest things they’re going through in their life. “If you usually message on social media but you have their number, text. I don’t know the right words to say, but I’m here and I love you.’Īlso, think about how you normally communicate with the person and take it up a notch, says Kessler. It’s completely okay to say, ‘Oh, my gosh. I don’t know the right words to say, but I’m here and I love you.’” “People really want to know that they’re seen. “The truth is, there are no magic words to fix a divorce, or a loss,” says Kessler. In other words, saying something is always better than saying nothing. I have never felt like, ‘Oh, God, why’d you bring that up? I’d forgotten about it.’” “But I never, never don’t appreciate it when someone asks how I’m doing. “There are nights I don’t want to talk about it I just want to have a drink,” she says. While Sethi understands the impulse, she pointed out to them that her grief is always there, even if it’s alongside happiness. When she questioned them, they explained, “If you’re feeling bad, we don’t want to make it worse, and if you’re feeling good, we don’t want to bring you down.” She was confused, and hurt, when her loving parents regularly asked her husband how she was doing rather than asking her directly. Tanmeet Sethi, MD, a Sikh American integrative and psychedelic medicine physician, activist, and author of the book Joy Is My Justice, felt this firsthand when her then-3-year-old son was diagnosed with Duchenne muscular dystrophy, a debilitating terminal illness. The worst thing we can say when someone is hurting may be nothing at all. First and foremost, don’t avoid the issue
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